Beginner's Luck

All through my childhood and continuing into adulthood, I've always had a unique ability to be good at almost everything I try - at first. Many people call this ability beginner's luck and most who have heard of it either think it's just a joke and doesn't really exist or think of it as a blessing - something good.  And although in the past, I've enjoyed being able to pick up a new skill with ease, I've finally begun to see this beginner's luck as the curse that it is.  I've seen countless hobbies and interests come and go as I try out something new and breeze through whatever it is only to come to a grinding halt after it's no longer a "new" skill.

Call it superstition or say it's all in my head, but the fact remains that by experiencing so much beginner's luck only to run into hurdles too big to handle after such initial success at such a young age has led me to have some very bad habits that have followed me into adulthood.

In short: I find myself slipping into the role of a quitter.

I saw it through my dancing "career" in elementary school as I won a first place award almost every time I entered a new category in dance or baton... then suddenly found myself unable to do even the simplest of routines without messing up. Then again I saw it in sports - particularly track & field - when I started the season enthusiastic and breaking records in shot put and at least able to finish races (I've never been any good at running) only to have a breakdown partway through the season when I collapse before I can finish a race and start throwing the shot put the wrong way with no understandable reason why. I even saw it some in high school and college classes when I would understand a concept way before anyone else and get close to perfect grades on the first few tests. But then halfway through the semester, the teacher would say something like "By the way, remember that difficult concept from the beginning of the semester? Well, it actually goes like this instead. We just taught you that way to help ease you into it... oh, and to confuse Samantha." ...Okay, so the last bit was probably never said, but the fact remains that everyone else in the class would respond with an understanding nod as the teacher completely changed everything he'd just taught us. Meanwhile, I'm pulling out my hair and flipping through the textbook trying to understand why everything I thought was true is suddenly false.

When I started to notice it encroaching on my hobbies, I drew the line.  Well, not at first... I went through a whole strew of failed hobbies, one of which included drawing lines.  I remember drawing/painting something really neat never to be able to duplicate it again. I stopped drawing quite quickly after I noticed that all of my drawings seemed to be getting worse instead of better.  That's really the hardest thing about having beginner's luck. My whole life has been in reverse of everyone around me. When learning something new I start out good while everyone else gets a slow start. I impress everyone right off the bat. Then as everyone - including me - practices more, we start converging. Everyone else is catching up to me. Now they're as good as me. The problem is... I'm noticing that as they get better, I'm getting worse and before long I'm the one that looks like I don't know what I'm doing and they're well on their way to looking like a professional.

When I really think about what's happening, I can see what my initial successes have done to my mindset. I've adopted some idea that I shouldn't have to work at anything, that if I have to work at it, then it's not meant to be. That's not a conscious thought on my part; I think it's completely ridiculous. I know that anyone has to work hard at something to be good at it. I just make excuses and pretend - even fooling myself - that I did try hard and it was something else that caused me to fail or give up.

All of that being said, the important thing is that I've taken notice of this horrible habit of mine and I plan to stop it.  It almost made me stop something that I was really enjoying: Spinning.

I was told that I was a natural when I first started spinning on a wheel. I had no problems at first and after that first time of spinning with no problems, I was almost afraid to try again because I had already decided that I was just going to get worse and worse.  I did get over it and spin a bit more, but I have been having some problems as of late. They're mostly minor issues, really. But I'm still worried that I'll abandon spinning before ever really giving it a chance.

So, that is why I've started this blog. It's going to help me accomplish my mission of becoming an expert hand spinner. Hence, Mission: Spinning.